Who Defines Me?

What I do doesn't define who I am.  I have to keep telling myself this...for many reasons.  The first reason is that in the entertainment industry, it's easy to get caught up in the fame monster.  It's easy to think more highly of yourself than you ought to; to think you are more important than you are.  In all actuality, you can't put worth on a human soul.  The bum on the street is worth just as much as I am.  We are both priceless.  And it's just by grace and a lot of hard work and determination that I get to do what I do for a living; not because I am better. 

The second reason I have to tell myself that I am not defined by what I do is because I am a people pleaser and knowing that I can't possibly please everyone is a difficult pill for me to swallow.  I know that people will judge me by what I do, what movies I make, what stories I tell in the scripts and songs that I write, what characters I portray, what pictures I'm in...the list goes on.  This is really hard for someone like me, but I've had to get over it, or at least try.  :) 

I grew up really conservative in values and beliefs and some of the characters I portray don't truly reflect who I am and what I stand for.  I feel the need to state this for family, friends, and people who know me that may wonder when and why Jen fell off the deep end.  It will be easy to cast judgements based on what you see.  Our culture thrives on that.  Just know that you may see a character I portray do or say things that I would not do or say.  My job as an actor is to be someone else when the camera rolls.  I am portraying someone else--I'm telling their story, not mine.  If you would like to hear my story, you most likely will not see it on the big screen, so let's set a coffee date because it's truly an interesting tale.

I don't just take any acting job--trust me. There have been projects that could've launched my career faster but it wasn't the right path for me.  There is a lot of thought that goes into what projects I sign on for.  There are many reasons that I choose to work on certain projects.  A lot of the times I choose to work on a project based on the people that I will be working with.

I have a network of people I trust that have wisdom and they are my sounding board to help me stay focused on why I do what I do (that's a conversation to be had over coffee as well).  They help me to remember that what I do doesn't define who I am.  The set of standards I set for myself may not be the same ones you would set for yourself, and I'm learning to be okay with that.  Are you in a place where you feel defined by what you do? By what other people say?  Or who they say you are?  Are you defined by your past failures or accomplishments?  If so, you will never see your full potential because it will keep you locked in chains. 

I encourage you to think on this and do some soul searching.  Figure out who and what defines you.  I've come to a place in my life where I know that I am not defined by what I do, what judgements are made about me, what even you may say I am or am not, or what a film or music critic may say.  I can say with conviction that I know who and what defines me....do you?

Do you ever have moments where you feel moved? Where inspiration is just bubbling forth and you need an outlet just like a swimmer needs oxygen after being under water for a long time? Well, this happens to me frequently and what I'm finding is that the writer in me is longing to burst forth and find her niche. I'm a person of many words (those who know me would agree) and I process my thoughts and ideas externally. There are pros and cons to this way of functioning. I've noticed that sometimes the really important things I have to say can get lost and buried in all the non important things I have to say.

Writing helps me get to the point quicker, well usually. Because I do pretty much guarantee some babbling from time to time.

Why start a blog, especially when everyone else has one and the world doesn't need another, you ask? Excellent question. The answer to that is fairly simple---I feel like I have something to say. Let me expound. Everyone is on a journey. Your journey has highs and lows, mountains and valleys, grief and joy. If you're on the mountain top right now, please enjoy it because I can pretty much guarantee that you're life won't always be a mountain top experience. If you're in a valley, let me encourage you to embrace the learning and growth opportunities and know, this too shall pass; you will survive and as far fetched as it may seem right now, you will have your mountain top experiences too! Trust me!

Your journey is unique to you just as my journey is unique to me. I want to share my journey with you. I want to allow you a glimpse of this crazy ride I'm on and hopefully, just maybe, I can inspire you to find that part of you, deep down inside--that maybe you've buried or didn't even know existed--that longs to truly live life with joy and purpose; that part of you that needs the courage and perhaps even the permission to dream again. I'm here to say, "permission granted."