A brief glance at what's really going on in my life...

I've been seeing a lot of posts on Facebook about 30 Days of Thankfulness.  I love to see people being grateful...for the big and little things in life.  I thought about joining in on this but I quickly realized that 30 days just wasn't enough!  I mean, don't get me wrong, my life isn't always a picnic, but I'm a very grateful person, and I have a lot to be thankful for.  I'm a very optimistic person.  I'm not a "glass half empty" or even a "glass half full" person.  I'm more of a "it may look like the glass is only half full, but really, it's probably all of the way full" person.  So, on Facebook, you will rarely see me complain.  I try to make a habit out of not complaining.  I think we have power in our words, and I try really hard to speak good things.    So, just looking at my life through a Facebook lens, it may seem like it's all roses and rainbows.  But let me tell you, I have seen hard times.

I've experienced many tragedies in my life.  A quick overview...  As a child, our dream home burnt down to the ground...nothing left.  My parents showed me, through that situation, how to get up and dust yourself off and keep going.  When we were little kids, my older sister was diagnosed with leukemia and given 6 months left to live.  But, if you know me at all, I believe in miracles.  And well, she's 30-something (she would kill me if I put her age! lol) and healthy.  She walked out of the hospital one day completely well.  The doctors were baffled.  They didn't call it remission.  They called it a miracle.  When I was ten, my mother was diagnosed with ovarian cancer.  Now, I have lots of faith in miracles, but this lady made me look like an amateur in the faith department.  Long story short, all the tests and x-rays said it was bad, very bad---BUT, when they went in for surgery, it was gone. She told them it would be, but they didn't believe her....until surgery was over and they wanted to know what kind of  new cutting edge "treatment" she had had since they had seen her last.  Her treatment was prayer, and lots of it.  

When I was thirteen, my family moved to a new town, 3,000 miles away from our family and everything that we called home.  6 months later, my Mom and one of her best friends were tragically killed in a car accident.  It was just me, my Dad and my sister left to face the world alone in this new town.  My sister took care of the laundry, and I took care of the cooking and grocery shopping.  I remember the first meal I cooked was baked chicken breasts.  I cooked 4 chicken breasts and set the table with 4 plates.  Then it hit me...only 3 were needed. What a heavy moment for a 13 year old girl.

I have had times when I made really good money and then when the economy went down the tubes, my husband, Ryan, and I lost everything we had.  Those are just words, but think about it....everything...homes, cars, furniture, etc.  It was beyond devastating.  I fought hard against allowing depression to pull me under.  No matter what we tried, nothing could pull us out of the financial hole we were in.  We felt hopeless.  Hopelessness is one of the worst feelings in the world, let me tell ya.  We just woke up, day after day, doing all we knew to do, while trying to keep our spirits up and take care of our 3 boys.  I lost all pride during that time.  I had no choice but to rely on the giving hearts of friends and family.  I will never forget those people that were there for us.  Ryan and I are givers by nature, so being "takers" was very painful for us. This wasn't a quick fix....we were in this situation for years. I am now just barely able to speak about it....and I still tear up when I do.  During this whole time, Ryan and I had a dream of what we knew we were supposed to do with our lives.  We knew that every situation that we had been through was preparing us to live our purpose.  I fully believe that everyone has something to offer the world--there's a reason you are on planet earth.  Ryan and I finally figured out what ours was, but without miracles happening, there was no way it was possible. It was like a huge mountain in front of us, and we had no climbing gear. It was also such a big dream that we were ridiculed and our motives questioned. But we didn't give up. I felt like Noah building the ark when the people had never seen it rain. Crazy Noah...crazy McKee's.

Just recently, we've had major breakthroughs.  Things I have been dreaming about and praying about since I was a kid, are starting to happen.  In some ways it's happening quickly and in others, it feels like it's taking forever.  My whole life has changed and is continuing to change....from the little everyday things to the big things.  I can barely keep up, emotionally speaking.  So, if you see me having an emotional breakdown, I promise you they are grateful tears.  

What am I thankful for??? I'm so thankful that life isn't always a valley.  There are mountaintops too. The valley was lonely and depressing and it seemed it would never end. I'm not to the top of the mountain yet, but I've been training and have climbing gear now, and I can see the top...and it's close.

I'm thankful for God's grace that has sustained me through hard times. Some call it mother nature, some call it the cosmos, etc... but I call it God.  We could argue theology all day, but really, that makes no difference to me because you can't argue with my experiences. I know that I have experienced supernatural protection, provision, grace, miracles, etc., in my life.  Something bigger than you or I.

Sisters

I'm thankful that through the experience of our house burning, I learned perseverance (God knew I was going to need that in the future!).  I'm thankful that my sister is alive and 100% healthy.  I'm thankful that God saved her life because now that my Mom is gone, I need her more than ever. 

Dad, Mom, Sister, and me

I'm thankful that I had my mom 13 years and that she showed me how to love unconditionally, how to have fun,  to have confidence and believe in the impossible.  I'm thankful for my loving, giving dad who is a steady rock through the toughest storms and yet has the gentlest heart of anyone I know. 

I'm thankful for a husband who encourages me and gives me the confidence to live my dreams.  I'm thankful that we are such a good team, not only in marriage and parenting, but in business and artistically too, and that we balance each other's 
strengths and weaknesses in crazy ways.





I'm thankful for 3 little boys that run me ragged and make me want to lose my mind at times, but always know how to make me smile.  They are three of my favorite people on the planet.




I'm thankful that when I lost my mom, grief didn't pull me under, and that at 13 years old, I was able to consciously make a choice to allow that tragedy to "make me" and not "break me".  I decided to let it be a stepping stone in my life and not a stumbling block.  I'm thankful for the season of life when Ryan and I lost everything because even though I never want to go through it again, I'm a better person because of it...that's a fact.

I'm thankful that dreams I've had and prayers I've been praying for for decades are finally being answered.  I don't go into details on Facebook about all of the little (and big) miracles that are happening in my life, because it's really not the platform or venue to do it.  But if you need some encouragement or to talk to someone who has "been there",  I would love to share a cup of coffee with you, even if it's through Skype.

Do I have bad days? OF COURSE! There are days that I don't think I have any energy left to climb the mountain. There are days that I just want to cry and curl up in a ball, away from the mean world.  You can give and give to people, and those same people can hurt you. People that you expect to be loyal to you, won't fight for you, even when you've fought for them--whether they know it or not.  People can be classless and hateful and spread lies about you. They can misjudge you and not give you the benefit of the doubt when you've never given them reason to question you.  They can throw you in front of the bus for silly reasons.  They can question your heart, your integrity, character and honesty--again, when you've given them no reason to. Just when you think you are almost to the top of the mountain, a storm can come and knock you down a bit. But, I refuse to quit.  I've come too far to give up.  I'm stubborn like that (I get that from my dad). I've been through all of those things.  It's so intensely painful. But, it will make you stronger, and you will learn some valuable lessons; who you are, who you can trust, and who you can count on to fight for you.

I'm thankful that I've learned how to not let my circumstance effect my joy.  Joy is not the same thing as happiness.  I can be going through the worst time and be unhappy, but I still have an underlying sense of joy.

If you need someone to believe in you and for you, for the impossible to happen, then I'm your gal.  I'm pulling for ya. If I can make it through, then so can you. I promise.